Only you can rescue YOU.

There is so much written today about finding one’s soulmate. Books written about the subject are rampant, and the authors give suggestions on how to find this person that is made to fit you like a glove. He or she will be your spiritual counterpart. You won’t even have to speak for them to know what you’re thinking.

When I was a young woman, the word soul mate was not a word used to describe a potential partner. My generation was waiting for the prince or the princess. Fairy tales were rife with content about the prince rescuing the damsel in distress, or how kissing a frog would turn it into a prince. Believe me when I tell you that I kissed a lot of frogs and all I got was a frog!

Unfortunately I got hooked into believing that “someday my prince would come.” I desperately wanted to be rescued from what I considered to be a difficult life, living with my mother and my stepfather, who seemed to thrive on not getting along. I thought that if the prince came along, he would save me and we would live happily ever after. What I didn’t know was that it’s very difficult to create a healthy relationship with another person if you have never been privileged to see one.

I wish I had paid more attention to how my grandparents managed to stay together for over 60 years. They seemed to go with the flow. They fought here and there throughout the day, then went on to talk about what they were going to eat, or what relative was driving them crazy. The interesting thing about their relationship was that it was an arranged marriage Their Italian parents decided they were a good match. Perhaps there’s something to that. I have read some research that arranged marriages have fewer divorces. Although I must say that if my mother thought my stepfather was good for her, what would she have chosen for me? Attila the Hun?

Deciding to be in a partnership is not something to be taken lightly. Finding a compatible mate takes the ability to communicate well, to understand each other’s foibles, and to make sure your values are concomitant. If you have to constantly convince the other person of how you think or feel, you might as well just become a lawyer and be done with it. It’s also not fair to badger someone into being just like you. That’s called a clone and you’ll need to buy a petri dish to help you out.

More importantly, the most viable lesson we can learn is that the only person that is going to “rescue you” is you. You are the prince or princess!

The Differences Between Men and Women Can Connect Us Perfectly!

In the last several years there has been a plethora of information discussing the differences in how men and women differ. The field of neuroscience has corroborated what most of us already know intuitively. I have had several relationships and can testify to the fact that there are major gender differences. I’m sure when men and women hang out in their separate groups they often point out behaviors that have become the foundation for a lot of sitcoms.  When I was younger and uniformed about how differently we see the world, I would often find myself getting crazed and humorless. I can’t say I’m completely cured, but I do find myself laughing more often at both genders behaviors. Here’s some examples of situations I have learned to laugh at. A man will open the refrigerator door and swear up and down that he can’t find whatever he’s looking for, but he has no trouble finding his favorite sports show on the tube.  Women will discuss a topic over and over and add every subtle nuance as if they were trying to create an academy award winning film. Men simply look bewildered and wonder “why can’t she simply get to the point”?  We will get in the car and immediately think of where we might stop to wander around some shops, or make sure we know where the nearest restroom is. Men seem to resemble camels when it comes to their bathroom habits, until they get older. Our goal is to gather information, no matter where we are so we can share it with our women friends and bring home some little treasure to remind us of our journey. Our partners can never figure out why we need what we’ve purchased, because their sojourns to stores comes from a more practical place. If they go to a hardware store for a hammer they don’t call their friends to go with them so they can try it out before they buy it, or come back with more than they set out to buy. They also don’t get overly concerned over making beds, making sure the house is clean when companies coming over, or putting toilet seats down. Of course not every man or female fits into the above categories, but I can bet that a great majority do. What we all need to discover is that what annoys us about each other can become a great way to connect, if we can both admit that we are often a joke.