Only you can rescue YOU.

There is so much written today about finding one’s soulmate. Books written about the subject are rampant, and the authors give suggestions on how to find this person that is made to fit you like a glove. He or she will be your spiritual counterpart. You won’t even have to speak for them to know what you’re thinking.

When I was a young woman, the word soul mate was not a word used to describe a potential partner. My generation was waiting for the prince or the princess. Fairy tales were rife with content about the prince rescuing the damsel in distress, or how kissing a frog would turn it into a prince. Believe me when I tell you that I kissed a lot of frogs and all I got was a frog!

Unfortunately I got hooked into believing that “someday my prince would come.” I desperately wanted to be rescued from what I considered to be a difficult life, living with my mother and my stepfather, who seemed to thrive on not getting along. I thought that if the prince came along, he would save me and we would live happily ever after. What I didn’t know was that it’s very difficult to create a healthy relationship with another person if you have never been privileged to see one.

I wish I had paid more attention to how my grandparents managed to stay together for over 60 years. They seemed to go with the flow. They fought here and there throughout the day, then went on to talk about what they were going to eat, or what relative was driving them crazy. The interesting thing about their relationship was that it was an arranged marriage Their Italian parents decided they were a good match. Perhaps there’s something to that. I have read some research that arranged marriages have fewer divorces. Although I must say that if my mother thought my stepfather was good for her, what would she have chosen for me? Attila the Hun?

Deciding to be in a partnership is not something to be taken lightly. Finding a compatible mate takes the ability to communicate well, to understand each other’s foibles, and to make sure your values are concomitant. If you have to constantly convince the other person of how you think or feel, you might as well just become a lawyer and be done with it. It’s also not fair to badger someone into being just like you. That’s called a clone and you’ll need to buy a petri dish to help you out.

More importantly, the most viable lesson we can learn is that the only person that is going to “rescue you” is you. You are the prince or princess!

Just stop it already!

There are times when I seriously think I would love to run away to a small village in a remote part of the world that had no big box stores, highways filled with cars, cell phone towers, or anything that made me feel connected to the outside world. My need to escape can come from a variety of situations. I find myself wanting to tell people to “just stop it”. Why are you still talking about what you have to do, and how exhausted you are, or what a mess the world is in. Then there’s the horrors of multiple shootings that seem to be happening with more frequency, incivility which is becoming rampant, and media which seems to focus on celebrating stupidity. Do I sound cranky? Well, I am! I feel that my optimistic nature is being eroded by a world that seems to want to focus on the dark side. I have felt lately that I may be in need of a mood makeover, however, I am thankful to still have the ability to reframe some of my feelings by interjecting  thoughts that enable me to feel that human beings are essentially striving towards decency, kindness, and compassion. We often forget  the aforementioned  in lieu of a constant barrage of information that the world is going to hell in a hand basket. I don’t know where that phrase originated but I can’t fathom how a billion or so people are going to fit into a basket that’s on fire. In fact if we look back in time it’s a miracle that the human race still exists. There have been many periods of mayhem throughout the centuries but the reports of rape and pillaging took years to get to different parts of the world. Today, everyone has a camera, and they all want their fifteen minutes of fame. If you’re mugged, you can rest assured that someone will be sending your picture to a TV station. Toddlers can take pictures now. I wouldn’t be surprised to see an infant with a camera at the end of his bottle. Why not? He might get a shot of a bank robbery and get on the evening news. The parents could get a book deal and a reality show and voila his education is paid for. Well, I think it’s time to take my own advice; watch less news, read less news, sit in the garden more often, watch the cat staring into space, and spend less time with anyone that resembles an energy vampire.

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