Buttocks Beware, it will not tone in these sneakers!

Last week the FTC charged Reebok International Ltd. with making false claims that its so-called toning shoes helped strengthen leg and buttock muscles. The agency said the ads made unsupported claims that walking in their “EasyTone” footwear was “proven” to tone buttocks 28 percent more than other sneakers and build calf muscles by 11 percent. They agreed to settle the case for $25 million dollars but stated they will not stop selling their “EasyTone” footwear. Sneaker maker Sketchers also has been contacted by the FTC over claims that its Shape-ups shoes have toning benefits. Their promotional materials promise they can *promote weight loss *improve posture* strengthen the back *tighten the abdominal muscles *firm buttocks, calves and thighs * reduce cellulite and *improve blood circulation. It sounds like they may be in the business of miracles rather than sneakers. They also have the Kardasians as representatives, and you can be assured that they have a lot of credibility as stars of a Reality TV show. I would have thought that hiring someone who looked like Moses might have upped sales even more dramatically. What always fascinates me is that people are more liable to believe false claims and celebrities than individuals that are trained to really know what sneakers might create less trauma to our bodies. Podiatrists and Orthopedic surgeons have already stated that toning footwear is not a great choice. It can cause damage to your Achilles tendons, strain calf muscles and create an imbalance in your stride which can compromise those who already have balance problems. All of this rhetoric seems to fly in the face of reason since common sense has become less and less a part of the culture. If a product makes claims that it can burn fat, tone your abdomen and help you lose weight in less time than it takes to brush your teeth, than the mad rush to purchase whatever it is begins. sketcher sales grew to $1 billion dollars in 2010 before dropping off this year as retailers and shoemakers were forced to slash prices after demand fell. Could it be that there were a series of epiphanies? Gee maybe losing weight is also contingent on eating less and  reducing stress, since too much stress can increase abdominal fat. But, hey that doesn’t cost anything, so it just isn’t going to sell, unless of course it can be bottled into some elixir and sold by Yogi Bear in a bikini!

If I needed camouflage I’d buy some Army fatigues.

  I love summer! The warmth, the flowers blooming, barbeques, less heavy clothing, but then there’s also the beach and the possibility of wearing a bathing suit. As I’ve gotten older even thinking about a bathing suit begins to brings me close to panic. I always have a back log of suits from past years that looked half way decent. But age can start to shift our parts and what used to be at attention is often  at “parade rest”. I tried some of them on the other day and also went to a local department store to see what they had. The sales clerk assured me that the ones she chose were designed to hide flaws. In other words they were created to camouflage parts that we might not be happy with and enhance others. Now I don’t know about you but my perception of camouflage is clothing the Armed Forces uses to hide from the enemy in battle. In other words to become part of the background so that you blend in, kind of like a lizard. If that’s the case bathing suits should resemble sand and have shells glued on them. Couldn’t they have come up with another word. I really don’t want to hide anything I want it to go away. One of the things that might have made me buy one of the suits would have been a mirror that was “body friendly”. Give me a break, where do they find these mirrors. I think they’re all bought at a circus that’s going out of business. I know I’m short but somehow the mirror that I was looking in made me look like a pumpkin, round and stumpy. Others have made me look tall and thin. Now that’s the one I want to take home. It was then that I experienced an “AHA’ Moment!  It was time for me to design long-sleeved, ankle length suits. In fact that might be something a lot of women my age might like. They could be made out of a light material and have some strategic cutouts in places that still looked firm, like the underside of the wrist, or the middle of the back. It could actually be quite elegant. Swooping down the beach in a long gauzy attire might be quite exciting! Now that’s my idea of some really “cool” camouflage.