Category: 2015

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Learning to relax and go with the flow.

My career has taken me on many adventures which have involved different modes of travel.

On one such occasion I was asked to speak on Captiva Island in Florida. I went with a friend of mine, first by air and then we rented a car to get to the island.

Sandy is somewhat of a control freak and so she wanted to drive. I was fine with that since I really don’t care if I drive or not, and so we set out in our rented convertible which we felt would make the trip even more enjoyable.

The day was exquisite and the scenery was beautiful. However, I could tell Sandy was uptight.

I asked her if she was all right and she answered rather tersely that she had to pay attention to the road and the signs so she wouldn’t make any mistakes getting us to our destination. The word “mistake” is not an option for my friend.

As we headed down a curving stretch of the road, she spotted a sign that said: Toll bridge, three miles, three dollars.”

Urgently, Sandy asked if I had any money.

I replied, “I don’t know. Don’t worry. We’ve got plenty of time before we get to the toll to find it.”

In my mind, three miles is three years away.

“I need to know if you have three one-dollar bills.” she said.

“Why? Won’t a five do?” I replied.

“No.” Sandy was starting to get irritated. “That will take too much time. Just look in your purse, will you?”

Well, now we were in trouble. My purse is not just a purse. It’s an abyss.

It’s a large leather object that weighs about 15 pounds. I have enough stuff in it to do electrolysis, open heart surgery, and cook a pizza.

Attempts to hastily retrieve any particular item quickly is a joke. But since Sandy’s face was turning purple, I dug in, looking for the elusive three one-dollar bills.

“Well, do you have them?” she asked.

At that moment, my fingers touched bottom and slid around a trove of coins. “I’ve got lots of change,” I said happily.

Sandy groaned. “We can’t give them that much change. “What are we going to do?”

Her inability to go with the flow was about to give her a stroke.

I casually responded that we could pitch a tent and wait for someone to give us the three one-dollar bills, or just pull a Thelma and Louise to end it all.

The toll person could have cared less what I gave her, and Sandy finally lightened up enough for us to enjoy our time together.

Ultimately we can control nothing. Learn to be flexible.

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Guilty Pleasure

Why is it so difficult to enjoy ourselves without feeling guilty? Like my grandfather’s prescription for wine and spaghetti, at times you have to let yourself go and “just enjoy”.

In a study of ninety-six volunteers, Arthur Stone, Ph.D., a psychologist from the State University of New York, found that pleasant events such as dinner with friends or a weekend hike in the woods gave a boost to the immune system that lasted for two to three days. In contrast, a stressful encounter such as an argument with a boss or spouse had a lesser effect, slightly depressing the immune system for just one day. It appears that the absence of ordinary pleasures may take an even greater toll on our health than stress does.

Remember that pleasure can go from the sublime to the ridiculous, from simple to sumptuous, and from free to expensive. It is not our budget that limits us but our minds. Have a “real” ice cream cone with sprinkles, or, God forbid a hot fudge sundae. Take a garden tour, or a hot air ballon ride, go for a manicure or ask a friend to give you one. Or go to two movies in one day.

One of my favorite pleasures is waking up early and sitting in my cozy bedroom chair while I sip a hot cup of coffee brought to me by my loving partner. The aroma, the chair, the windows which look out into my garden are all deeply rewarding. I love watching the birds swoop through the yard and seeing the squirrels running around squawking at each other. I spent years in my garden, weeding, clipping, and hauling dirt and rocks to create what is now a magical place. I cannot do what I used to do since my joints rebel. However, I still amble through the paths and pick the obtrusive weeds even though I know my back will not be happy. The joy still outweighs the pain.

One of my ultimate sources of pleasure is making fresh spaghetti sauce from scratch, cooking some spaghetti, and sitting down to fabulous results—liberally sprinkled with Parmesan of course. I can never eat spaghetti unless it is has a monumental amount of cheese on it. My grandmother and mother would admonish me any time they caught me re-sprinkling. They felt I was disrespecting their sauce. After all how was I going to taste it when I covered it up with cheese?

I’m afraid their messages of guilt didn’t sink in. I have continued to this day to be a lover of Parmesan cheese.

Don’t let life pass you by without indulging in some daily pleasure. There will always be work to do, errands to run, and responsibilities galore. But without the respite of pleasurable moments, life can feel like a stress rehearsal.