Category: 2011

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I’m A Sucker for Verbal Hostage Taking.

I’ve noticed in the last several years that I’ve met more and more individuals who love to talk about themselves. They seem mesmerized by what their saying and leave little or no room for a response. One of my acquaintances hardly takes a breath. I’ve often wondered if he carries an oxygen tank in case he runs out of air. He seems to have a tremendous need to inform me of every minute of his day starting with breakfast. The content is often heavy in the area of his work life. Since he’s a musician he wants me to know who he’s playing with , what kind of people have hired him, how long it will take, and how much equipment he has to set up. I have tried to interrupt with even the shortest phrase like “that’s nice”, to no avail. I could and have left the phone for a few minutes to do something around the house, only to return and find that he didn’t even know I was gone.

Another individual I know finds it necessary to inform me of every activity her children are engaged in, what they wore to school and what TV shows they watch. One conversation she had with me was a vivid and detailed description of her latest dental procedure , which was a root canal. She practically had enough information to perform one herself. I literally jumped in at one point and suggested she might want to go to dental school. There was not even a giggle. She actually agreed with me and went on to give me another fifteen minutes on her trip to the supermarket and the vegetables she bought that she read would be good for her brain. I really wanted to respond that perhaps she might consider buying some tape for her mouth, and some cement to fill the hole in her head, but I held back.

Oh, I know I could get off the phone with some lame excuse, but I keep hoping that I might get a chance to respond. Either that or I’m a sucker for verbal hostage taking. I really feel the reason some people do this, is because we’re in a culture where being busy is more valuable than having deep, meaningful conversations. They have forgotten how to listen or how to engage the listener.

Maybe the next time you talk to someone, you should periodically say “what do you think”. If they don’t answer you know their probably vacuuming or cleaning the toilet.

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Sex is part of a LARGER picture.

I have often wondered why America seems so at odds with its’ sexuality and aging. Europeans have always seemed to be more relaxed about nudity and sex even as they age.

When I was visiting the French Riviera as a young woman, I was in awe of the women walking topless along the boardwalk, many of whom not very young. They did not appear to have any concerns about not having youthful bodies. They even dare to put older women and men being romantic and sexy in their movies. We rarely do that and if we do it’s viewed as an anomaly.

When I saw “It’s Complicated” I loved the fact that they had finally made a movie that allowed the actors to look their age and still be sexy and seductive. We, on the other hand are always showcasing youth in almost every aspect of the media. Reality shows are rife with women and men that look like they’ve been botoxed from head to toe. Nothing moves.

Any advertisements I’ve seen for erectile dysfunction always has youthful looking partners. Where are the sixty, seventy, and eighty and ninety year olds? I guess their considered dead in that department. The irony is that research shows that older people actually have more sex than their younger counterparts. Probably because they have more time, or maybe they realize that it’s more important than returning e-mails, texting or talking on their blackberry’s. Years ago Time magazine had a couple sitting on a bed with a headline over it “DINK” (duel income no sex).

Oprah got on the bandwagon and had a show with a few young couples that complained they had no time for each other, because of jobs, children and other obligations. The Psychologist who was there to give advice told them they needed to put a date to “get it on” in their organizers. I found this to be so hilarious that it had me giggling for days. Now the overwhelmed couple could look forward to another “job” on Friday night. Maybe as we get older we recognize that sex is part of a larger picture. That it begins with how we treat each other through words, actions and deeds.

Tenderness, kindness, thoughtfulness, respect and compassion are part of feeling connected and wanting more. Great abs, a tight butt, and abundant cleavage without the aforementioned may be exciting for a while. But it gets old and so do we.