Let’s Connect-Without Our Phones

I have a dear friend whom I’ve known for years. We now live several hundred miles apart and don’t see each other all that often, but we make it a habit to talk on the phone at regular intervals.
A few weeks ago it occurred to me that we hadn’t talked in quite a long time, so I called her at home. Of course, I got her voice mail, “Hello, please leave me your name and number and the reason for your call, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
Two days later she called me from her car, Hi, it’s me. I’m so sorry I haven’t called in such a long time. Things here are just insane! I’ve been working so hard it’s unbelievable. I worked all weekend on a project, and when I’m not working, I have to take the kids to birthday parties and playdates. I haven’t had a minute to call. I’m so overwhelmed, I just don’t know what to do.”
I honestly couldn’t think of a response that wouldn’t be tinged with sarcasm. My friend hasn’t called me in over a month and she takes the first ten minutes of a conversation to tell me that she’s been too busy to talk to me. This rhetoric is not unusual. The culture we live in seems to find it necessary to go over in detail everything they do every minute of everyday. There appears to be a need to fill every moment with some task in order to feel valuable. Stopping to make a phone call to a friend or spending time with family and friends becomes a chore to be squeezed into a massive “to do” list.
Is everyone like this? Of course not! However it has definitely become a way of life for many. After teaching stress management for over thirty years, I have become a witness to how many individuals declare they are overwhelmed and fatigued. The irony is that getting together with people you care about helps to reduce stress and helps us to feel more energetic. Unless of course, they are energy vampires.
Years ago, we all lived in communities that were close knit, which is still present in some neighborhoods in big cities. Residing in suburbia creates a more solitary existence. Cars are necessary, and it often feels like the Twilight Zone. Having someone stop by for a cup of coffee seems to be a thing of the past that will soon become an exhibit in the Smithsonian Museum.
Face to face communication is an important and necessary ingredient to our health according to Dan Buettner author of The Blue Zones. Not through texts, e-mails, or phone, but in person. Perhaps its time to spend less time “binge watching” and spend more time “binge looking” at the people in your life.


3 Replies to “Let’s Connect-Without Our Phones”

  1. Everything you said is absolutely true. I love when someone comes over for coffee, but whenever someone is here it’s like they’re telling me all the other things they have to do once they leave. Brother…

  2. I loved this. It makes me think of another article I read. The author wrote something to the effect that when a friend does this, it’s like they are saying their life is so much more important and busy than yours. We are all equally busy in our own way. I have taken this to heart, and have given up on excuses, and I really try to respond or visit more. What you wrote is so true about “getting together with people you care about helps to reduce stress and helps us to feel more energetic.”
    People really need this advice!

I always encourage feedback. Love to hear your thoughts!

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