You need to be an Olympiad to get into your bed these days with the heights of the new mattresses.

Buying a mattress today has become big business. Ads focus on the miracles that await you when you visit a store that has salespeople who are educated in understanding your sleep needs. One commercial I saw had the sales reps in lab coats. I don’t understand the reasoning behind this other than to try to convince the public that they might be affiliated with the medical community. Perhaps they should do blood work and a physical first to see if you are in good shape to sleep on their beds since most mattresses today take athletic ability in order to get in and out of them.

“Mattresses used to be stuffed with whatever material was available, from feathers or wool, down to moss and rags; these were laid across a framework of tightly knotted ropes, which needed to be retied regularly as they were prone to sagging in the middle. Hence the expression “sleep tight”. Meryl Gordon. I slept on a mattress my grandmother made for years. She stuffed it with horse hair. I should look like The Hunchback of Notre Dame, but I seemed to have survived.

Today mattresses can tilt, lift, massage and you can even navigate your partners side if you’re disturbed by his snoring. If one of you is heavier than the other you can adjust either side to accommodate your girth. It’s beginning to feel like a ride on a Ferris wheel. What if you’re enjoying a peaceful sleep and your partner decides to inflate your side? Will you shoot out of the bed into the other room?

Most of the mattresses I had throughout my life have been normal height. For me that means I could get in and out them easily without needing a ladder or getting a nose bleed. Yes, I’m short, but bed height has now reached “new heights”. These days a bed can be a yard high, with 20 inches for the plushest mattress, plus the box spring and an 11 inch high frame.

I recently stayed in a hotel with a bed that was as high as a desk. I asked for a stool but found that in the middle of the night my bathroom visits were soon akin to practicing to be an olympic pole vaulter. The mattresses also seem to be on steroids. When I bought my latest mattress I had no clue how heavy it was. The only way to tuck in the sheets is to import four Sumo wrestlers to do it. I was clever enough to ask for a shorter box spring, otherwise I would be literally having to take a running start just to get into it.

The good news is as that the aging baby boomers are beginning to want lower beds. It makes sense, unless you’re into joint replacements. As in most things there is a metaphor here that makes sense: “What goes up, must come down”!

About lorettalaroche

An international stress management and humor consultant whose wit, and irreverent humor, has, for over 30 years raised the humor potential in all of us. She is on the Mass General advisory council for anxiety and depression and was recently awarded the National Humor Treasure Award. Loretta writes a weekly newspaper column called, ‘Get a Life’.

This entry was posted in Get a Life. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to You need to be an Olympiad to get into your bed these days with the heights of the new mattresses.

  1. kfucci says:

    This one is good for a chuckle!

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  2. anne says:

    “What if you’re enjoying a peaceful sleep and your partner decides to inflate your side? ”
    If they make an ejector bed I’m buying one 😀 Here in San Francisco we have the mcroskey company. They are so good the Queen of England brought her yacht over here to buy their beds for it.

Comments are closed.