There is so much written today about finding one’s soulmate. Books written about the subject are rampant, and the authors give suggestions on how to find this person that is made to fit you like a glove. He or she will be your spiritual counterpart. You won’t even have to speak for them to know what you’re thinking.
When I was a young woman, the word soul mate was not a word used to describe a potential partner. My generation was waiting for the prince or the princess. Fairy tales were rife with content about the prince rescuing the damsel in distress, or how kissing a frog would turn it into a prince. Believe me when I tell you that I kissed a lot of frogs and all I got was a frog!
Unfortunately I got hooked into believing that “someday my prince would come.” I desperately wanted to be rescued from what I considered to be a difficult life, living with my mother and my stepfather, who seemed to thrive on not getting along. I thought that if the prince came along, he would save me and we would live happily ever after. What I didn’t know was that it’s very difficult to create a healthy relationship with another person if you have never been privileged to see one.
I wish I had paid more attention to how my grandparents managed to stay together for over 60 years. They seemed to go with the flow. They fought here and there throughout the day, then went on to talk about what they were going to eat, or what relative was driving them crazy. The interesting thing about their relationship was that it was an arranged marriage Their Italian parents decided they were a good match. Perhaps there’s something to that. I have read some research that arranged marriages have fewer divorces. Although I must say that if my mother thought my stepfather was good for her, what would she have chosen for me? Attila the Hun?
Deciding to be in a partnership is not something to be taken lightly. Finding a compatible mate takes the ability to communicate well, to understand each other’s foibles, and to make sure your values are concomitant. If you have to constantly convince the other person of how you think or feel, you might as well just become a lawyer and be done with it. It’s also not fair to badger someone into being just like you. That’s called a clone and you’ll need to buy a petri dish to help you out.
More importantly, the most viable lesson we can learn is that the only person that is going to “rescue you” is you. You are the prince or princess!
What she said! LOL! I completely agree with everything you wrote! A relationship should enhance your life, not create your life. Additionally even the best relationship requires work and energy to keep it alive. It’s human nature to get distracted or selfish or take loved ones for granted. I’ve been in a couple of unhealthy and even abusive relationships. Fortunately I found a mensch this time. But as wonderful as he is, even he has his moments, as do I! Healthy relationships can ride out a storm but it still takes work, commitment and lots of love.
my Dad said, “friends and fish both smell after a few days.” Being more entertaining than annoying would be a good start.
Happy Valentines Day Loretta 😉