If I needed camouflage I’d buy some Army fatigues.


  I love summer! The warmth, the flowers blooming, barbeques, less heavy clothing, but then there’s also the beach and the possibility of wearing a bathing suit. As I’ve gotten older even thinking about a bathing suit begins to brings me close to panic. I always have a back log of suits from past years that looked half way decent. But age can start to shift our parts and what used to be at attention is often  at “parade rest”. I tried some of them on the other day and also went to a local department store to see what they had. The sales clerk assured me that the ones she chose were designed to hide flaws. In other words they were created to camouflage parts that we might not be happy with and enhance others. Now I don’t know about you but my perception of camouflage is clothing the Armed Forces uses to hide from the enemy in battle. In other words to become part of the background so that you blend in, kind of like a lizard. If that’s the case bathing suits should resemble sand and have shells glued on them. Couldn’t they have come up with another word. I really don’t want to hide anything I want it to go away. One of the things that might have made me buy one of the suits would have been a mirror that was “body friendly”. Give me a break, where do they find these mirrors. I think they’re all bought at a circus that’s going out of business. I know I’m short but somehow the mirror that I was looking in made me look like a pumpkin, round and stumpy. Others have made me look tall and thin. Now that’s the one I want to take home. It was then that I experienced an “AHA’ Moment!  It was time for me to design long-sleeved, ankle length suits. In fact that might be something a lot of women my age might like. They could be made out of a light material and have some strategic cutouts in places that still looked firm, like the underside of the wrist, or the middle of the back. It could actually be quite elegant. Swooping down the beach in a long gauzy attire might be quite exciting! Now that’s my idea of some really “cool” camouflage.

About lorettalaroche

An international stress management and humor consultant whose wit, and irreverent humor, has, for over 30 years raised the humor potential in all of us. She is on the Mass General advisory council for anxiety and depression and was recently awarded the National Humor Treasure Award. Loretta writes a weekly newspaper column called, 'Get a Life'.
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2 Responses to If I needed camouflage I’d buy some Army fatigues.

  1. Joy says:

    Every store change room aI go into has one of those circus mirrors that make me look short and wide!!!

  2. I am down with that idea… when can we expect to see your designs heehee? I especially want the “tall” mirror!

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