Vertically challenged and missing half my clothes!

I went shopping yesterday to buy some summer clothes and was hard pressed to find any pants or blouses that didn’t look like they had been shrink wrapped. Something has happened to the sleeves on t-shirts, blouses, and tunics. Someone in the fashion world decided that they should be three-quarters instead of full length.

The sales clerk in one of the stores I was in stated that this is what the majority of women want because they’re cooler. I don’t get that explanation, because I have never had hot forearms that drove me to cut the bottom of my sleeves off. Well, I can unequivocally state, that I don’t like them, nor do I think they’re flattering, unless you’re young, thin, and have long arms. I’m sure my opinion is jaded and somewhat cynical, but I personally don’t think that older women have very exciting forearms, unless you’ve been training with the Navy Seals.

I have short arms, and wearing a blouse that has three quarter length sleeves gives them a stump like look! Pant length has also been shortened. Capri’s are now a phenomenon. Once again being short becomes a problem with this type of pant. They should hit you at mid calf, but when you’re vertically challenged, they often end up being just shy of the top of your ankle and end up looking like you had them hemmed by a pissed off seamstress.

Once again I think the taller you are the better you look. Wearing mid calf pants when you look like a Sumo wrestler doesn’t really make sense either. I also have noticed that a lot of shirts and pants have lycra in them so that (according to the designers) they don’t lose their shape. Well lycra also attached itself to you like glue and it can make your lumps, bumps, and muffin tops look grossly exaggerated. It also feels hot! Once again this is one women’s opinion. I find that material that skims over the body to be much more flattering. But then I come from a generation that had family watch dogs.

My grandmother, and my mother were not interested in following fashion. They were interested in making sure your appearance was commiserate with family values and self-respect. I’m sure sleeves and pants will get longer again. They have to, because we all know that in order to sell, sell, sell, you need to keep convincing people who what they have “doesn’t work for them anymore”.

About lorettalaroche

An international stress management and humor consultant whose wit, and irreverent humor, has, for over 30 years raised the humor potential in all of us. She is on the Mass General advisory council for anxiety and depression and was recently awarded the National Humor Treasure Award. Loretta writes a weekly newspaper column called, ‘Get a Life’.

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9 Responses to Vertically challenged and missing half my clothes!

  1. Emily says:

    As a semi-vertically challenged woman who has always had weight issues (Weight Watchers at age 12, anyone?) I’d like to start a clothing line called ‘Short and Squatty’. Those of us who need it would know where to go? It would be a sister to my other fantasy clothing line called ‘Flash’, which would have coordinated sets of 1) a shell, 2) a button front shirt and 3) light sweater/jacket for those of us who are constantly tearing our clothes off and then piling them back on as our internal thermostats ride the roller coaster of hormones.

  2. Roxana in Colorado says:

    Loretta – you have hit the nail on the head! Capri pants are one of my pet peeves. And for the tall person complaining about things being too short – at least you can buy “Tall” sizes from certain outlets. I am not petite although I have short legs, I have a long torso – so figure out how well short or long pants end up fitting me. And the hip hugger fad is DTC (due to croak) soon – I hope. What in the world are they thinking? Only if you are 12 do these styles look good on you.

  3. Catherine Terranova says:

    Brilliantly funny and TRUE. I’m one of those slim “work out girls” who has great arms etc. BUT we all need a choice. If one more stupid young person says to me “well nobody else minds” I going to put a hex on them and send them careeming into old age. By the way I’m going to be 60 this year. Although I can wear that stuff I don’t want to!!!
    We should open our own fashion house.

  4. John says:

    This reminds me of Billy Crystal’s classic SNL “Hernado’s Hideaway” sketch…
    “It is better to look good than to feel good”

    The mantra of “the taller you are the better you look “ has made high heel shoe makers a fortune by convincing women to buy shoes that are too small, too narrow and way too high in the heel, (I grew up in a house full of women, I have seen this!

    My chiropractor told me that he makes a fortune on his “after Christmas business”, after all the women walking through the mall in high, thin stiletto heels lugging packages on each arm have thrown their backs out.

    And, just where did this idea of “fashion” come from anyway?

    When we were living in caves trying to get through the winter people wanted to get wrapped in a bear skin just to keep out the cold. At some point during man’s “evolution” it became better to look good than feel good and this “fashion” thing went nuts. Elizabethan collars, French hoop skirts….corsets!

    People wonder how it was possible for the founding fathers from 13 different colonies were able to agree on the Declaration of Independence. It was summer, the temperature in Philadelphia was in the 90’s and you had a bunch of middle aged men sitting around in wool coats and powdered wigs. All you had to do was tell them that the sooner they agreed on it the sooner they could go home and get naked.

    But, it’s all about sex isn’t it? The truth is that if some guy thinks you are sexy because of your shoes he probably has a pair just like them in his closet at home.

  5. Lindsay Forrest says:

    Alas, I am 5′ tall and capris look like ill-tailored long pants on me. At my house we call them OPC’s (Other people’s capris) And if you buy petites….well they assume if you’re 5′ tall, you weigh 98 pounds. yay, me! I weigh more! Much more!

  6. Patty D. says:

    Loretta, I love this article. It is hilarious and so true. I am short and my Capri’s look like I am wearing slacks that are too short for me.

  7. annette143 says:

    … in order to sell, sell, sell, you need to keep convincing people who what they have “doesn’t work for them anymore”. Lol! You’re Right! I stopped buying clothes in the 80’s when the ‘new styles’ made me I looked like a summer squash! It’s Levis and T-shirts for me!

  8. Great post! Short people… we have rights too!

    • Lynne says:

      You know, tall people have just as much trouble. Long arms in a three-quarter sleeve designed for average people look really long! Capri’s for an average women hit a long-legged person in the worst place possible (that’s if the crotch isn’t too short in the first place). Waist lines for average people are short on tall people…. And, as for pants, let’s get rid of these body widening just-above the public bone pants that fall down every time you stand up! Leg lengths are getting a bit better. But my goodness, my lumps and bumps are sticking out all over the place in these tight-fitting Ts. When is the fashion industry going to check the age of the “average” female consumer??????????????? Thanks for the laugh. Lynne

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